Amairo no life

While alone

Today is one of the days, when I’m alone at the evening. Both my parents are on work and I’m all alone at home. It’s 22nd May, but the heat is so unbearable. My window is open from some days already and I’m not going to close it soon. I live in the 6th floor so it can be open all the time, it’s high enough.

I’m sitting here, waiting for Milena and thinking. And… eating chocolate. I’m thinking about my future plans. I have so much on my mind, so many things to do, to prepare… but still doing nothing. My diploma work is waiting for me, but I still have no idea how to compose it. Even though I have lots of ideas about it. Most of my sources are in English and Japanese and I have to translate them. I need to work hard. But I’m lazy.

There is so much more things that I want to do. I have so many interest that I don’t know from which one to start. I’m looking at the other people – everybody doing their own things. And I feel so far from everything. Don’t know how exactly to explain this feeling. Like there is so much people around, but you feel all alone.

My already 23-years-old persona had never been in love. Until last year…. and I’m still scared to confess it even to myself. Because… this is kinda forbidden love. You should not fall in love with your friends… right? Oh, everything is so complicated. I had been hurt so much times before, I don’t want this to happen again.

I don’t know what to do, but I guess time will show me…

 

PS: This became somehow littery post, but I have so much things to think about that I can’t even stay in one theme…

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